A Note on the Office Guillotine…
To: Shareholders
From: Management
Subject: Update on the Recently Installed Office Guillotine.
While the installation of the notorious 18th-century beheading device initially raised eyebrows, those concerns were quickly cut short once the brutal efficiency of the machine was demonstrated.
In fact, a large portion of the team not only embraces the idea of the horrendous technology being present in an office environment, but have quickly developed an ardent enthusiasm for its use; routinely jostling for leadership roles, most notably that of ‘Lever Operator’.
Staff working hours have significantly increased, while requests to ‘head off early’ have completely ceased since the Enforced Morale Apparatus was prominently installed in the front foyer last Thursday.
The slick French-engineered upholder of efficiency has also increased competition within the team, and a kind of ‘inter-office head-hunting’ has quickly begun to take hold.
We have also noticed that clients have become significantly more agreeable to changes, and now settle outstanding invoices as soon as they’re received. They’re also requesting fewer meetings, particularly ones located in this office.
To: Staff
From: Management
Subject: Further Update on the Office Guillotines.
Following the success of the new truncating technology, it has since been decided to install more productivity devices in other parts of the office, namely the meeting room, the smoking area downstairs, and that corner where everyone stands around near the kitchen.
To: Staff
From: Janitorial Services
Subject: General tidiness.
All staff: Please remember to use the baskets provided. Thank you.
To: Staff
From: Recruitment
Subject: Open roles.
Due to a recent and dramatic reduction of management staff, all remaining staff are encouraged to apply for those currently open roles.
To: Catering
From: Management
Subject: Birthdays.
Please be advised that the office no longer has any interest or desire for cake.
Thank you for the early morning chuckle!
excellent, brilliant 😂