Customer Review of one Human Body.

★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ Not bad, but not that great.

The human body I received was quite good value for money. This was not due to its impressive quality and function but rather the fact that I received mine entirely for free. Some people would point out that complaining about it would therefore be unjustified, however I also received mine against my will so to hell with them.

Let’s do this.

While I found the human body I received to have some excellent functions such as self-awareness, spatial temporal reasoning and the ability to fart, those are sadly outweighed by quite a number of little issues.

First of all, delivery took way too long, and all up was an extremely painful experience. Must be a better way to receive this product.

Set-up took way too long: Approximately 16 years to get new body fully up and running once out of the box. Didn’t realise that most functions needed to be installed separately; Walking and Talking were particularly frustrating to install, (and once fully functioning I eventually had no desire to use either.)

As I mentioned, love the farting thing, a really great feature, however this is not compatible with the smell function, and should not be used concurrently.

Reproductive function and urine outlet have bafflingly been packaged into one attachment. This seems like an unnecessary attempt at cutting down on space. Waste outlet is also a little too close for comfort, clearly nobody thought through the impracticality here.

Against the advice of the manual, I ended up removing the appendix and most of the spleen, and the system ran just fine without them, but if I’d paid for this thing I’d be annoyed at having to fork out for these apparently useless extras.

For some reason knees, hips and mind have shorter warranties than the rest of the body. I called Support about this and was informed I could buy upgrades for the first two, but these are quite expensive in-app purchases as far as I’m concerned. 

Frustratingly, mind storage capacity and personality is fixed and unable to be upgraded. I found many 3rd party upgrades promising otherwise, but these turned out to be mostly fraudulent.

Sight function was faulty, only fix here was to buy another additional extra, which looks a bit clunky and makes the whole thing look a lot more nerdier.

Charging system works well, and the system operates well on most foods. Tried charging it with alcohol, which initially worked VERY well, however subsequently discovered you’ll need to clean the whole thing out with water and quite a bit of self loathing afterwards.

Sleep-mode works very well, too well if anything, quite hard to reboot in the mornings. Fixed this problem with a coffee plug-in, a good cheap fix.

Product casing initially looked very good, but turned out to be quite cheap and over time became distressed and discoloured, with a lot of wrinkles appearing that are just impossible to iron out. Other than that, the casing isn’t too bad, although still not sure what the back hair is for?! This should perhaps be removed from future versions.

Despite attempting to improve the appearance of my version, the versions in movies and on social media all look a lot better. I consider this false advertising.

Other than the aforementioned issues, I was pretty happy with the overall performance. I’m sure people have used these things for more professional uses, but I found mine quite handy for sitting in bars or staring at screens, or often both concurrently.

All up, three out of five stars; Not bad, but not that great.

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